Medical Care - Q&A

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Family Care:
Spousal Emotional Abuse

Question: Mrs. B. (Philippines) Nov. 8, 2009

Isa lang po ako sa napakaraming babae na emotionally abuse ng mga asawa nila. Minsan gusto ko ng makipaghiwalay tutal isa lang naman ang anak namin at may trabaho naman ako at isa pa hindi kami kasal. Kaya lang may natatakot akong nararamdaman kapag ginawa ko un na baka magpakamatay ang asawa ko or pabayaan niya ang kanyang sarili, tulad pagkalulong sa alak at mapabayaan ang kanyang tabaho. Kaya nagdadalawang isip ako na gawin yun, pero sa totoo lang hirap na hirap na po ako, at alam ko anytime na makipaghiwalay ako dalawang kamay akong tatangapin ng mga magulang ko.
Sana po mapayuhan ninyo ako.

Maraming salamat po.

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Answer:

Dear Mrs. Bautista,

Sa tunog ng sulat mo, nakikita ang effects ng long term emotional abuse. Sinasabi ko ito sapagka't maski alam mo na ikaw ay victim ng emotional abuse ng asawa mo, nagdadalawang isip ka pa rin na iwanan ang asawa mo sapagka't takot ka na saktan niya ang sarili niya. Maaring despite everything mahal mo pa rin siya but it's more likely that this manner of thinking is a result of one aspect of emotional abuse which we could call emotional blackmail. He makes everything your fault including your leaving him, conveniently not accepting the fact that he has been abusing you. You have been in this relationship for so long that sometimes even understanding that you are being abused is not enough. Breaking away from an abusive relationship is very difficult for a lot of women because there has developed what we call a "co-dependence". Mayroon na kayong kinasanayang pag-ugali sa isa't isa, parang eksena na paulit-ulit, na hindi na ninyo pinagiisipan. It is up to you to make the move if you want to have a life of your own. Breaking away is a very important first step. It should be a little bit easier for you since unlike a lot of women, you can support yourself and you have a family that will support you in your decision. Good luck to you!

Salamat sa iyong tanong,
Regina Diaz Goon
Psychologist
OFWParaSaPamily